Happily frustrated. That is the best way to describe my day at the station. I came in this afternoon with an entire spreadsheet of show prep, and I was feeling pretty proud of myself. Exceedingly, even. I had personal stories, I researched a few bands, looked up some really cool "buzz worthy" news, and I was ready. Honestly. Dice asked me to do four hours, and I thought that for sure I'd be able to pull it out in the time I had left. I actually practiced in the basement this week (this mostly involved talking to myself and using my iTunes library as a playlist).
At least I managed to finish two of the four hours today instead of just one. When I was halfway through, Dice came into the studio to listen to what I had and go over it with me. I hate that part. I cannot get used to hearing my own voice come back at me over speakers. I'll either get used to it, or I'll get so good at this, that I won't even have to bother with the playback. :)
Anyway, to make a long story short I have a really hard time talking to myself. I got so caught up in telling the story and trying to sound like a "DJ" that while it wasn't at all bad (and Dice said it, so again it must be true), it wasn't exactly me either. And I don't get it. I mean, I can have a conversation. I am so good at this that most of the time I drive my husband crazy with the constant chatter. I've even been known to talk to myself in day to day situations before. Putting a mic in front of me completely trips me up. I feel so awkward.
The great thing that came out of today was listening and then being able to identify my "wind up words*." The downside would be that occasionally I have wind up paragraphs. But. All is not lost. After Dice helped me with the first few, I could easily identify how I should have said something to get to the point of the story. So, I get it. I really do. It's all about the headlines and the outs (you have to wait for another blog on that one). On the drive back, I thought of a thousand ways I could have said something and added things to make all of my breaks (even the ones that weren't really about me) relevant to my life and even yours. I'm pretty psyched to try again on Friday, even.
It's just the doing. I walked around tonight after the kids were in bed (and after I kicked it with the family on Rock Band 2) coming up with other things to talk about or how I could say them--and I can hear it all in my head. Exactly how I want it to sound. Therein lies the frustration. Hearing it one way in your mind and having it come out completely different when it's spoken out loud.
I know it's a practice thing. Or at least I hope it is. There's this insecure part of me that really wonders if every now and then someone at the station is wondering if maybe they should have chosen someone else. That trips me up a little too, and is completely a "me" thing. They have been incredibly helpful and patient and reassuring. It makes it a lot easier to want to try.
I will be the next great FuseFM DJ. I can see that I've already come pretty far and learned a lot. It's just having the patience to see it all come together--something I've always struggled with. :)
Radio Lingo of the Day: wind up words refer to words (obviously) or even phrases like, "alright," "yeah, so" "the other day," etc. These should be avoided as much as possible.
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